I Hate You All (A smoker dares to blow a line in the sand.)

Posted: May 24, 2007 in Culture, Random Thoughts
Tags: , , , , ,

So here’s the deal. I smoke.

Yes, I’m fully aware that smoking is bad for me. It’s also been made clear that some of you think my smoking is bad for you.

Fuck you. Die, seriously. There’s already too many people on the planet and I like me better than you.

I put up with it when they banned smoking in bars and restaurants, even though I think it’s a fucking travesty that a person who owns a business can’t decide what perfectly legal and government taxed activities can take place in his/her business. I complained bitterly when they barred me from smoking on outdoor patios but I dutifully complied. (though I did make a point of blowing every last puff of smoke at you smug bastards snickering at me from 2 feet away.)

For awhile I even put up with the condescending speeches about the evils of smoking lobbed my way by every sanctimonious, cheese eating, non-exercising, American Idol loving jackass who I had the privilege to work with over the last decade or so. That trend ended last year when I started reminding every single one of you that the end result of your own addiction (to gasoline) can roughly be measured by the following ratio: 1 litre of gas burned:1 Iraqi citizen butchered by illegal occupation forces. (not an actual statistic. Also I totally endorse the right of the U.S.A. to violate whatever international laws they choose. They have more guns than me. By a wide margin.)

I have now officially had it.

I live in a city where rents are skyrocketing because landlords want to play the condo conversion game and the provincial government has decided it’s best for the people if the rental market remains completely unregulated. Even if people wind up homeless in a province where everyone is earning roughly 20% more than they have any right to. It’s important, the P.I.P. remind us, to let the market correct itself naturally, without interference. Fine. So explain to me how this same government thinks it has the right to step in and add one further measure to the regulations against tobacco. (a product that I will again remind you is 100% legal and generates huge, huge tax revenues) The provincial government of Alberta (who have not been exposed to a general election in god knows how long and therefore can’t claim to be the least bit representative) have decided to propose a bill that would ban the sale of cigarettes from every single retail venue in the province. Except liquor stores.

I can only assume this has something to do with dropping liquor tax revenues, as this administration has made it quite clear they don’t give a shit about the health and welfare of the Albertan people.

Adding insult to injury, I read an article in the Edmonton Journal today about a B.C. woman who is suing her rental company to evict her next door neighbor. Her reason? Her neighbor smokes on her own fucking balcony! And the hell of it is, she’ll probably win. This comes in the midst of a year long conversation being had by rental agencies across the country about the legalities of banning smokers from their properties. Corporations in the States have begun firing employees who smoke to get a break on insurance rates and thus far most of civil cases launched against them have failed.

Have you fuckers forgotten that this is an addiction!?

Let me remind you.

Health Canada likes to inform us that quitting smoking can be as challenging as getting off cocaine or heroin. No company fires it’s employees for having a drug abuse problem. They show empathy and get their people addiction counseling. We don’t take it upon ourselves to constantly lecture our friends who maybe gamble too much or drink a little more than they should or cheat on their spouses. For fuck’s sake, can you imagine if people started bitching at every fat person they saw to go to the fucking gym?

Substance and behavioral addictions are considered a bona fide mental defect under the list of prohibited grounds of discrimination in the Bill of Rights. I am protected from discrimination from you by the same law that protects women, visible minorities, the elderly, homosexuals, Mormons and all of you NDP voting, tofu eating, tree humping communists out there. We’re all equal under the law.

I’m not a moron. If cigarettes were made illegal tomorrow I would be ecstatic. I would endure the agonizing torture that is withdrawal with a smile on my face because it would be proof positive that the government cared more about the welfare of it’s people than tax dollars or corporate contributions. I would fully support fines and punitive measures against those who broke the law. But it’s not illegal. It is taxed. And until that changes I’m telling you leave us and the companies that sell us our poison alone.

I’m declaring war. From this day forward I am lumping all of you in to the same category as Jehovah’s Witnesses or that Vegan chick who yells at me because I don’t see the problem with drinking milk. I will tell you politely to go fuck yourself and I will happily whistle a jaunty tune as I suck back my smoke while imagining you getting hit by a bus.

Come share your thoughts. 😀



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