Hey, Red White and Blue, Yeah I’m Looking at You. Or-People Can’t be Traded Like Carbon Credits.

Posted: February 4, 2009 in Politics

No. Nein. Nyet. Uh uh. Back the fuck off.

Ok, so today I found out that another one of my Obama bubbles has been burst. You know, scratch that. It’s not that my bubbles are being actually broken; it’s more like a howler monkey is standing amidst the soapy, floaty and Oba-oaty marvels, flinging a deranged, rainbow colored fork into the air that will eventually burst one my happy thoughts.

This time the bubble being poked and prodded is the question of “whatever will we do with do with these pesky Gitmo detainees.”

I love that one of Obama’s first official acts was to order the shutdown of the Bush dictatorship’s habeas corpus free, Never Never Land. When I was younger and more idealistic (like say before 2000) I truly believed that the U.S. could be a bright and shiny gold penny amongst all the tarnished copper bits, making all of us look a little brighter by proximity. Mind you, I also believed (many many moons ago) that if I flung myself off enough slightly elevated surfaces, I’d eventually figure out how to miss the ground. I was ten then, but still. I watched, over the last eight years, as the rule of law and any sense of real justice were trampled beneath a wave of paranoia and greater clamouring for security, and I feared that the U.S. would never recover from the damage to its image and sense of self worth. My optimism was crushed. And then, like a bolt of chocolaty goodness, El Presidente BHO swooped in, hands on hips and he started yelling things like; rule of law! And; clarity in government! And; it’s the economy stupid! And; (this one is my personal favourite) IT IS NOT OKAY TO TAKE A GOVERNMENT HANDOUT BECAUSE YOUR BUSINESS IS FAILING AND THEN PAY YOURSELF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BONUSES! IT. IS. NOT. FRIKKIN’. OKAY!!!

And Americans everywhere (okay to fair, only in some places, and mostly the ones that didn’t used to kill people to safeguard their rights to keep slaves) said, “Yeah!” and “Alright!”

And then Obama said, “And we’re gonna shut down Guantanemo Bay. It’s wrong to keep prisoners there without legal representation, so we’re going to stop torturing them and let them out!”
And Americans everywhere (okay far less of them this time and mostly in places within four blocks of an ACLU office) said, “Yeah, Obama!” or “That sounds…reasonable!”

And then Obama said, “And they’re all going to come and live here! Woo!”

And there were crickets upon the land.

And so, for the next week or so, a home in that great nation was sought for men who may or may not be terrorists, may or may not be innocent, but are certainly all rightfully a little ticked at the States. And what answer was given by this great nation, this country founded by immigrants, whose most famous Statue and port of call proclaim a clarion welcome to the world’s poor and huddled masses? What did this country of newly hopeful and reinvigorated citizens say to the men they’d (possibly) falsely accused, and (definitely) falsely imprisoned?

“Um, can Canada do it? Or maybe Europe?”

Yuck. Seriously, just yuck.

So, here’s the thing America. If the people you elect piss in the face of international law, if they crap all over your constitution and set your own intelligence agencies to spying on you instead of your “enemies,” if your elected president declares protest to be seditious and starts talking about his God appointed mission to make America right, if they do all this and more and then you still elect them again…..well, whatever sins they perpetrate, whatever chickens come home to roost, they’re your problems. You deal with them.
You can’t wage war on an idea; you can’t lock people up because they’re angry with you and might do something violent. And hopefully, I think, you’ve learned that. It’s why Obama got elected instead of McCain. Maybe the voting machines just worked properly this time, I don’t really know. What I do know is that the fallout from the last eight years belongs to you. Just because you feel bad for what happened and don’t want to face the people you screwed over, just because you’re worried that maybe Bush was right and they really did need to be locked up; these things don’t alleviate your responsibilities.

The bitch of it is that Canada will probably do it. Despite the fact that we have our own mini-Bush in the form of Prime Minister (at least until the new budget gets voted on) Harper, we’re kind of in love with Obama up here, and when the person you love asks you to let someone stay on the couch for awhile, you do it, even if you’re just trying to get laid. Europe too, they love them some Obama pie, so they’ll probably take some terrorists off your hands; their way of saying, “we give good head too, Mr. President!” We’ll do it, and we’ll feel morally superior to you (which we mostly do all the time anyway) and life will go on.

But you know what really worries me, more than America not learning from its mistakes and maybe doing the same thing to Chinese “terrorists” twenty years from now?

What really worries me is that you people just spent most of the last decade bombing the holy fuck out of any country you thought might have so much as advertised vacation packages to a terrorist, and you’re now trying to get us to harbour a bunch of them.

I’d like a hug Mr. President. Maybe even a cookie. But definitely a hug, from inside the safety of my bomb shelter, here on Canadian Soil. Just in case you get any ideas. 😀


  1. anton says:

    You may state your feelings about US America differently than I would, but I bow to your youthful, exuberant clarity of what is wrong south of the border.

  2. ps.for those who cant see th forest through the trees the reason hilary wouldnt be trusted as president….lets just say that if my husbands love of a good young rub and tug was splashed all over the news it would slowly break me and maybe not in the next few years but could you say midlifcrisis. plus shes in power. we all know that there will be another black president before there will be a woman elect. unless a oprah runs and then maybe there will be hope of literacy daycare and healthcare. and of course ellen would replace the superbowl but thats the price you pay. lets dance

  3. the thing that is interesting to me is that no one wants a female president. when everyone was congratulating me on obamara day they would get all ofended when i would tell them i wanted a woman president. they thpught that because i was with a black man i would need a party when obama ran the stage. say that last 8 words slowly. but who are we going to vote in hilary? i would trust her in.a role like the one she has. if they ever kicked her out of the white house she may sue for female victim rights. which would mean that million of women would make the same complaint. and you men all know that is we got a hold office you may be bleeding once a month without advil. finn im impressed. w i havent actuallyy heard of anything obama has said since he staarted. im too busy partying. pass the dutchie.

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