Archive for August, 2010

Unless you live in a bubble, you can’t help but be aware of what happened this week.

That’s right, for the first time ever and in defiance of all the odds, an article written by me had over four hundred hits and

Oh, right.

Deep breath. (Not everything’s about me. Not everything’s about me. Not everything’s about me.)

So. The other thing that happened.

 I debated writing a piece actually on the vengeful destruction of Prop 8 at the hands of the forces of truth and light but, for a number of reasons[i], I decided not to. After all, the Walrus is about setting trends, not following them. I couldn’t just let the issue pass though; it’s kind of one of those big deal historical moments that you get laughed at a decade later for being asleep during. You know, like when we did this very same thing as a whole nation up here in the North[ii], where we care less about who’s nailing who as long as they’re staying warm.  


The point is, I had to say something. So I said to myself, “Self, what’s the angle here? What can we possibly say that will use this news to shed light on some crucial but oft neglected facet of humanity’s humanity? What nugget of sheer and insane genius can we ejaculate vigorously on the chin of the zeitgeist?” (more…)


I’ve been reeling for a couple of days.

I woke up Sunday with a noble purpose. Infiltrate an enemy camp, isolate the most dangerous thespian of our time, and lay mighty waste to his vulnerable bits with the Thunder Staff of Walrus. I had a cover for this mission; my daughter’s dance class was performing on the family stage at a major musical event and Kevin Costner (shudder) would be performing at the same event.

How did Costner rate a spot on my very exclusive people-who-must-be-erased-as-though-they-never-existed list? By being the career killer of some of the finest actors of the last half century.

It’s true. Every movie that Killer Kev has had anything to do with in the past decade or so has been littered with supporting casts made up of the most talented aged actors alive. And then, once the smell of burning celluloid and traumatized moviegoers has dissipated, those actors are never seen again. (more…)