Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

I am, in general, not a nice guy.

I’m (probably) a moral guy*, but that almost never goes hand in hand with nice; not if you really mean it when you’re moralizing.

I believe I’m a good dad. Most of the time I’m a good husband-type-thing. I don’t cheat, steal, hit people or indulge in generally agreed upon antisocial behaviour.
But still, I cannot call myself a nice guy.

When out in public, I have a tendency to treat service industry peons who are bad at their jobs like people who are bad at their jobs. I say crass things in inappropriate venues, mostly to elicit honest reactions from people who spend most of their lives worrying about being idealized, mythological versions of people. I give advice as though I have a right to, even though I have no professional advice giving credentials hanging on my office wall. I flipped off the stack of new Dan Brown hardcovers at my local Indigo last night** and there were small children within eyeshot. I have left someone to be with someone else rather than cheating on them. I eat meat, sometimes litter and almost never put the toilet seat down. I expect people to live the way they say they do and I call them on it when they don’t. And, if all that weren’t bad enough, I smoke; which, according to every public service announcement aired on T.V., makes me a kitten killing baby eater. Not that it’s an addiction or anything. (more…)

Umm, I Art!

Posted: February 15, 2009 in Writing
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I am, I am Emo Man

The following should only be read aloud
In a coffee shop that allows smoking
To the sounds of bongo drums
Whose skins are made from the
Flesh of crying baby seals.

Also the questions should be asked
By someone who has absolutely nothing
Better to do on a Friday night.
And who has
An appropriate number
Of self inflicted wounds.

Oh God!!!!

Q: What?

My life is shit!!!

Q: How is your life shit?

What do you mean?

Q: How is your life shit? You kind of have to back that up, dude.

Um, my parents are rich?

Q: That sucks.

Oh! And I have to work, ‘cause they cut off my allowance.

Q: That is shitty. What else?

I’m in love with a girl who may or may not be legal.

Q: Ooh that’s sexy. How old is she?

Twelve.

Q: Not sexy.

But age is just a number. She has an old soul. And likes Good Charlotte.

Q: Try again. What else?
I told my stylist to dye my hair Suicide Black but he dyed it
Eternally Optimistic about Death Black, instead.

Q: You have a stylist?

Uh, yeah?

Q: Just go fucking die.

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Tim comes in, fists swinging, and angers me by trying to give away my lifelong dream. That’s right, I will be Batman when I grow up.

And get in shape.

And inherit a billion dollars.

Sigh. Oh well.

This time Tim has mercifully discovered the spell check on his Word, now all we have to do is show him how to use proper punctuation.

Hmmmmmmmm, stay tuned for my random sampling of 100 blogs and subsequent rant on the laziness of writers using the English language. Maybe.

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A Dribble of Rage.

Posted: June 3, 2007 in Writing
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As promised, here is Giles’ piece on the mixed experiences of participating in a pyramid scheme. I cannot believe it’s been over a week and I only have two submissions to show for it.

For shame, people. I know you’re angrier than this.

Cheers.

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So it looks like we all have to start backing up our posts for fear that corporate interests and fear of liability will rear their ugly heads and bite our thoughts in two.

Here is the link to a story on the glorious skull-fuckery perpetrated by the folks who run Live Journal against those who mistakenly believed that free speech still meant something. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that anyone who writes gratuitous pornography about pre-sexual humans or gophers or itty bitty kitty cats deserves to have their “art” expunged and their chest hair set on fire. But, and this is a big but, stories that feature pedophilia, murder, rape, or various forms of really funny violence in support of the artistic thrust of the piece, do not a ringing endorsement of criminal acts make. (Really funny violence is sometimes an exception to this rule, but fuck, no one’s advocating the elimination of pro wrestling!)

 

The folks who run Live Journal are citing “fear of liability” as an excuse but really, can you honestly tell me you’re worried about the kind of liability that could attach as a result of someone rolling 2d6 and kicking someone else in the nuts in an RPG? More importantly do you realize the damage you’ve done to the poor bastards who were playing the game you just unceremoniously tipped over? Do you have any idea how much time, imagination and opportunities for sex with real live people gets thrown on the altar of sacrifice to RPG’s? What’s wrong, did the geek down the street not let you play D&D with him when you were growing up?

I said it when Indigo bought Chapters and all of a sudden books started disappearing from the shelves because they weren’t “appropriate” for a family oriented establishment. I said it the first time I walked into a Blockbuster and realized that (gasp) I wouldn’t be renting Anal Nurses 9 tonight. I said it the first time I read an HR package that outlined exactly how many times I could say tits (0 times) in front of a female coworker without being fired.

Censorship is for Pussies. (more…)

Welcome to Rage World

Posted: May 30, 2007 in Writing
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It has begun.

Tee hee, a little Mortal Kombat for all y’all.

So here’s the first link of what I hope to be many, of your entries to the Chronicles of Rage. My buddy Tim, like any sane minded person has deep issues with the NDP party. Judging from the run on sentences and near incoherent rambling I’m guessing his issues run deeper than most. As promised his piece is unedited and unrefined though I did run it through a spell checker. (Dude, learn to use Word properly or we’ll take your computer away.)

We should be getting a scathing piece on the evils of multi level marketing companies from Giles shortly but I need more. I refuse to believe that in the last six days everyone suddenly came to peace with the Universe. Keep ’em coming folks.

Aarghhh!

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So, here is the relevant post on Facebook. Give me your bitter, your vengeful and your just plain funny rants. I will publish them all as long as you link to this page. I should be getting the first submission tomorrow and will tell you more then.

Stay tuned.