That Doesn’t Quite Sound Right

Dear M——-

I’ve tried to get through to you by phone but you won’t answer. I’ve sent email, nothing. I even tried a telepathic dialer, you know, that gadget they keep showing on late night t.v.? All I got was a headache and, oddly enough the smell of your cat filling my room. Weird.

Anyway, I checked, and apparently there is still an actual mail service available, so, I write this in the hopes that the medium of it’s delivery will intrigue you enough that you open it.

I know how it looked M——-, you come home expecting to see me reading, or cooking or playing tennis in the holocourt. Instead you see me and the neighbour humping like monkeybats. How shocked you must have been. I know you won’t believe this, some days I’m not sure I do, but M——, that wasn’t me.

Do you remember how, the day after that, the ******* landed? We made first contact, and they quasi admitted that they’d been abducting us for years? Well, I was their last screen before they decided to make themselves officially known. About an hour before you got home they grabbed me off the ship.

What transpired afterwards is too extraordinary to relate in full, at least in this manner, but if you ever take me back, I promise I’ll tell you the whole thing. One thing I can tell you is, they wanted to test our problem solving skills and they did so with me by taking me back in time to fight Egyptians Apparently they were involved in some crisis that threatened the space time continuum. The Egyptians.

Anyway, they returned me to the present right after you stormed out of the apartment. And I can assure of one thing. The doppelganger they left behing? The one shtupping the neighbour? He doesn’t exist anymore. I set him on fire for ruining my life.

I hope you can find it in your heart to believe me, and I’d love to sit down and tell you about the whole adventure some day, but I fear that will only happen if you can bring yourself to forgive.

I’ll love you always,


When I found this letter I immediately asked my parents about it. Dad confirmed that M was indeed Mom and that she’d taken him back after that. That letter was the only reason they wound up married.

I lost a little respect for Mom that day. I mean, seriously, who would believe that crap?

Everyone knows that there were never such things as Egyptians.



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